Are you wondering how to remove toxic people from your life? I wasted a lot of time pouring myself into fruitless and even sometimes harmful friendships and relationships.
Can you relate?
If so, keep reading for my tips on removing toxic people from your life, so you can focus on the things and people that really matter.
Time To Make Changes
Okay so let’s dive in. You’ve been friends with someone for years and years.
Life is getting tougher (as it does) and you find yourself pursuing growth and heading valiantly towards the future (and the unknown, eekk!).
But…something’s tugging on your heart.
As you’ve moved on, your friend hasn’t and isn’t. Wow. You’re in a constant self tug-a-war because as you’re accepting new responsibilities and challenges to improve yourself, and they aren’t.
So it’s hard.
You pour and pour into them, you try and motivate them, but at the end of the day you can only do so much.
And now..that person is making very negative choices and having bad behaviors.
Listen, I hear of this case so much. It’s not only happened to me personally in a very extreme manner, but it happens to so many of us ladies.
Whether you’re moving quickly through different life stages (as so many of us are) like graduating, getting full-time jobs, starting families, getting married, or getting in shape (see my diet and mental health post)…the case is the people around you in one stage most likely won’t move forward with you at the same pace.
And that’s OK.
Ever since graduating college and getting my full-time job, focusing on my career with all my power, I’ve lost many friends. It’s a lonely place, but it’s also a rewarding one.
It’s allowed me to have limited free time so I have to be extra picky with who I spend that time with.
Moving into different life phases is scary, because heck you haven’t done it before! So going into it full force being in the best state physically, mentally, and emotionally is so KEY.
People can set you back.
One of my favorite sayings is:
“You ARE who you hang out with.”
Take a good look around at the 5 people closest to you, who you spend the most time with.
What are they doing?
What are their goals?
Are they lifting you up?
Are they inspiring you?
What are they teaching you?
Do you ever learn anything from them when you are with them?
Ask yourself those questions the next time you hang out and if the answer is “no” maybe it’s time to spend more time with new or different friends.
Sometimes, it takes something bad happening before you realize your childhood or best friend is toxic for you.
Sometimes we need that wake up call. It’s so hard, girl, BUT there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, *insert claps*.
Here are some tips for removing yourself from toxic relationships:
1. Cut It
“You need to cut it! Cut it…Cut it..” Ok maybe I’m the only one that got that song reference, but seriously, as hard as it is you need to…cut it.
Remove all contact and it sounds harsh (and maybe your case isn’t as extreme), but just like a breakup, if you’re going to get over something that was near and dear to your heart… you need SPACE.
Maybe take a social media cleanse break. Maybe that looks like blocking that person’s number (harsh actions, but effective).
You know YOU and you need to do what’s best for you.
If the situation isn’t as extreme, it definitely will take having a sit-down conversation with the person and explaining yourself.
Try to focus on talking about…
- Everything you have going on it your life that’s taking up your energy
- How you two are moving towards different pathways
- You respect and love that person
- You need sometime to yourself to really focus on big things you have going on
Your relationships are a key determinant in who you are and what you do. If you don’t like who you’re becoming because of something in your life, it’s best to remove it.
But hey…that’s hard! Brings me to my next point girlie:
2. Talk to Someone
Cutting people out of your life means one thing for you: grief.
Grief is tricky.
It’s like you’re constantly sad, you have this hole in your heart, but you still can do life (but it’s always there!). GOSH. Talk about confusing and hard.
The best way to get over that is to recognize that it’s there and talk it out. Maybe that means journaling for you or maybe going to therapy.
Getting out what’s inside of you in one shape or form will make you feel a whole dang lot better.
Write down how you feel and say it out loud. It does wonders! What helped me personally was writing, talking with my mom (she’s great) and turning to some therapy.
Hey you go to the hospital when your body is sick.
When your mental health needs some work? Therapy. And there’s nothing at all wrong with that. Let’s break that stigma ladies. Sign me up!
3. Who Did You Say I Was?
Us ladies tend to mold ourselves to who our lady friends are.
Think about it.
If you’re spending countless hours a week with your best friend, and then that stops, you might have an existential/who am I life crisis.
It’s like always having that security net of someone who is just always there and when it’s gone you have you.
But it’s also an opportunity to find out, “ok who really am I…what do I think…what do I want to do” because you’re not compromising with someone all the time (see like a breakup).
This time by yourself provides an excellent time for growth. Come on ladies let’s grow and be our best versions of ourselves that we want to be!
Toxic relationships are suffocating.
Take that out of your life, and now you’re on that pathway to finding your true potential.
Remove Toxic People
Let’s wrap it up:
Honestly, you just have to listen to your heart. “Listen to your heart…when he’s calling for youuu!” Ok I’m really in a sing-songy mood right now.
Maybe it’s because I’ve been to hell and back with this topic and it WILL be okay.
You have the courage to stand up and say “hey, you aren’t serving me anymore, maybe you were years ago, but now no, this won’t cut it.”
You matter, your feelings and opinions matter and anyone who wants to go against that and talk that down, bye felicia!
Another day isn’t a guarantee so please do not live it around people who are weighing you down.
It will get better and be okay.
Just be strong even when you feel weak, smile, and pet a puppy!! (Glass of wine or two works well too)
You Got It
When is it the “right” time to remove toxic people from your life? Whether it’s a childhood friend, best friend, family member, or even friend group, looking out for these signs, realizing their meaning, and doing something about it is HUGE.
Many times people continue to be present in our lives because well, they’ve always been there. But what that doesn’t mean: is they still serve YOU.
Don’t let time be a reason or excuse to keep toxic relationships in your life. You got this. When it comes to you girlfriend, be selfish.
Are you going through big changes with removing toxic people?
Let me know in the comments! Let’s connect and support one another.